In so many ways, I’m an accident magnet. Whether it’s a clutzy move tripping over a crack in the floor or a stumble on a cruise ship (I went one direction and the ship went another – and my foot didn’t cope well at all) or the many, many times I’ve broken, sprained, strained, torn, or in some other way damaged parts of my ankles, knees and wrists, I seem to attract pain. I’ve fallen down (and up) stairs, in holes and over the curbs or cracks of sidewalks so many times, I can’t even remember all of them. The ones that stand out, though, are falling down a flight of cement stairs when I was five and tearing ligaments in my ankle, catching my ankle on the side of the gymnastic horse in PE when I was in junior high and somehow sommersaulting over the horse and landing on my foot, spraining it…and the time I walked into a hole in the ground and tore ligaments in my ankle (again). That final time, I was a teacher and was traveling with students. The school had to send two people – one to drive their car and one to drive the rental and students back home – while I spent the day at the emergency room. And they left me there! Fortunately, I had a friend from college who worked in that city…at that hospital! She picked me up after work and drove me home.
Oh, and I can’t forget the household boo-boos. I have left a chunk of one of my fingers on the upper coil of the oven (yes, the flesh was sizzling), cut my fingers over and over on paper, cardboard, plastic, scissors, knives, forks and burned certain body parts that are extremely sensitive – and normally covered by a blouse – and I did this on the stove. I guess you can figure out what I did. Leaning over a burner on the stove is not smart!
And then…there are the car accidents. I have been hit from the side, from the rear multiples times, and hit from the front. The strangest one was when I was actually stopped behind another vehicle at a stop sign and they decided to back up. That vehicle was pulling a large boat. And the boat’s propellor was heading straight at me. As I frantically tried to shift into reverse while honking the horn, I saw the propellor tear through my hood. It was tough trying to convince the police officer (and the insurance company) that I was hit by a boat! :) It’s not often a person can say that. Or want to.
Each day, as I drive to and from work, cook meals, walk, get out of bed or take a shower, I’m taking my life in my hands. As a walking, talking accident magnet, I know there will be more in my future. I just hope I live to laugh about them like I frequently laugh about the burner incident, the oven coil, the hole, and the boat. And I make sure I’m insured…well.
“The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.” ~ Alan Coren